Hidden Lines

Pure in heart pure in mind
You are one of a kind’

It’s happening again
I really should talk to a friend
My mind is escaping to dark thoughts;
Of fantasies, encounters and sexual lusts of all sorts
Taking me down the road to where
I’m caught up in a sexual snare

It’s been going on for years and years
Deeply rooted, your heart is seared
With the emotional cycle of ecstasy then regret
Yet you repeat the process only to let
The feelings of failure and coming short
Before a Holy and a Righteous God
Put a separation between you and Him

It started with dreams as a child
I saw bodies writhing together but did not understand why
Then touched myself soon after for the very first time
“Oh this feels nice” was the start of my demise
Into a habit that I have struggled to break

It will take more than willpower not to cross this line
As it knocks on the door of my heart for the umpteenth time
It’s a daily renewal of the mind
You have to be transparent and accountable
As you give to God what, in your own strength you cannot handle

‘Pure in heart, pure in mind
You are one of a kind’

You see the struggle for me has continued for so long
Because I did not want to face it head on
I wanted to hide my secret vice
I wanted to appear as this Christian ‘nice’
But as I am reminded that there is an audience of one
Who sees everything that I have ever done
And still loves all of me;
unconditionally
I want to be the very best version of me
Not out of performance or looking right to you
No…I want to protect the relationship of two

And so I write these words to say
It takes surrendering day by day
And giving it all to Him
To break the cycle of any sin
If you slip up don’t lose heart
Get right back up, play your part
In prayer and confessing to a trusted other
And walk as an overcomer

“Pure in heart, pure in mind
I am one of a kind”

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“Jesus Loves You, You Know”

“Jesus loves you, you know”

Those were the five simple words that pierced my heart and made me bawl my eyes out. 

My neighbour had been inviting me to church for some time. She gave me leaflets and sermons to listen to, told me about the spiritual experience she was having at her church. 

Although I was open to hear and privileged to see the change that was taking place in her, nothing arrested my heart and moved me like those words did at the kitchen table that day. 

It felt like EVERY ONE OF THOSE FIVE WORDS contained their full meaning and were being transplanted into my heart with such authenticity; unprepared, their effects were overwhelming for me that morning. Instead of Cupid’s arrow it was like Jesus Himself was shooting an arrow straight to my heart from heaven with the message I LOVE YOU. 

It was then that I made up my mind to give my life to Jesus. Looking back I can see that it’s not enough to have a one time encounter with Jesus but to BUILD A RELATIONSHIP that is rooted in truth. 

How?

By making His word, the bible – your truth. 

By spending time with Him, in conversation, in prayer. 

I say this because life will make you question what you really believe and I know that has been my story over the years. 

What happens when you pray and you didn’t get the answer you wanted at the time you wanted it? 
I should be able to say that when things are not going my way those words still hold true. I also have to say I didn’t do anything to earn those words – they were freely given. 

“Jesus loves you, you know”

I hope those five words pierce your heart with the same force that it did to mine all those years ago and that they remain planted so deep inside of you, unable to be uprooted by any challenging circumstances that life can throw your way at times. 

It’s the answer to every difficulty that you could ever face because if you know you’re loved then you trust that no matter what happens God has the very best in mind for you and you can move forward in hope rather than complain and remain in what didn’t go the way you wanted it to. 

 He is not the author of trouble but the solution for every hard thing that you will ever face. 

As I thought about what I should share next month I wanted to touch on the subject of love especially as the month of February celebrates Valentine’s Day. I was going to release this blog the first day of February but after having a conversation with a friend I decided that I would  release this blog now because it’s what is on my heart now and it’s ready to go. I want to have an organic approach to writing instead of a regimented approach. 

And besides it’s just as important to know YOU ARE LOVED right where you sit now – today. Whether you are single, married, dating, divorced or widowed the fundamental truth is that you and I have a Heavenly Father that LOVES US and WILL NEVER STOP LOVING US. 

He is the definition of love. He doesn’t have love. HE IS LOVE. 

I’d like to share a piece I wrote for a friend’s blog some time ago now. It’s truth still relevant today and every day. 

A Father’s Love Letter


Love Did This …

Your smile lights up a room. 

Your eyes see beyond the parameters of the physical. 

Your face houses expressions that are individual to you. 

Your nose appreciates the faint smell of a flower, differentiating scent from scent. 

Your mouth conveys your thoughts revealing and communicating a mind that can only be described as genius. 

You are loved 

Your hands are tools for comfort and hard work performing an array of tasks with skill and precision. 

Your feet are designed to carry you where you want to go, walking through the valleys and mountain top experiences of life. 

You are equipped to be more than a conqueror, loaded with wisdom and guided by love 

Oh yes YOU ARE loved.  
You are AMAZING and you are loved. 

Born to excel and succeed – you a champion in a league of your own. 

There is no one quite like you. 

By design you are one of kind. 

Moulded into the purpose you were created to fulfil, specialising in your own unique gifting and ability. 

You have no choice but to get on the platform you were given and put excellence on display. 

This all demonstrating all the thought that went into creating YOU…

You are loved. 💕🙏🏽💯

DiSTORTed IMAgES 

I am what I see

As I look at the reflection looking back at me I wonder, 

What happened?

What happened to the go getter?

The dreamer who knew all things were possible. 

She didn’t know the detail but she grabbed the thought that she could be used for greatness. Now greatness not being huge stadiums filled with people applauding and cheering her name. But greatness in the sense that her gift was giving to humanity in whatever capacity it was needed. 

The 39 year old remembers the 18 year old so full of expectation and the audacity to believe that when she spoke, authority that had been given to her caused her words to carry out their tasks. The state of her current mind replicated in the image looking back at her. Her distorted reflection a result of years of wrong thinking. 

She is somewhat struck by the realisation that the 18 year old died somewhere between that year and now. And that she hastened her own burial by digging herself deeper and deeper into a pit of frustration while dressing it up to her outside world as contentment and sustainability. 
All the while remaining unaware she was doing herself and the people around her a disservice by not stepping out on a vast sea of unfamiliar, adventurous terrain – a foundation of faith. 
She chose instead to remain cautious on a boat of familiarity. She waited for dry land that never came not knowing that if she had stepped off THAT boat and surfed the waves of faith it may have someday led her there. 

Now she is approaching a new chapter. A new decade and she wonders …. 
What now. 

Where do I go. 

What do I do. 

Have you ever had a destination that had so many sign posts but you didn’t know which one to start with?
What would be different now?

It’s not like she didn’t take steps before. 

Unfortunately she would have to conclude her movements were cyclical rather than linear. Throwing back to years gone by an objective analysis would have to conclude that she moved around that boat of familiarity and her attempt at calculated risks extended to paddling her feet in the water as she sat on the boat’s edge. 

Being in control had been counterproductive to the leaps of faith she would HAVE to live by. But being out of control would RESURRECT the woman that knew all things were possible; the woman that knew she could be used for greatness. 
Her gift giving to humanity in whatever capacity it was needed. Letting God correct her inner lenses, so that her perception of herself was her true likeness, was paramount in stepping into this faith walk. 

Her steps needed to begin right where she was. Where no one was looking or listening. 
How she saw herself in secret would determine her leap….
How far she leapt would be determined by her level of trust….
How much she trusted would be determined by the God she knew….

To know is to trust and to trust is to move. 

To know and be known was designed to be the right of passage for anyone that ever walked this earth. Transparency is the antidote to the poisonous snare of existing instead of living; of surviving instead of thriving. She’s taken notes; her surrender means letting go of being her own marketing director, brand ambassador and image consultant. 

She is not her own. She’s been bought by another. In terms of clay He is her potter. She is a unique expression of Him, an original. 

To be mature is to be simple 

These are the simple steps she must take. Like a bride preparing to meet her bridegroom. She must be prepared to be intimate, to trust His leadership and follow promptly. 

Two become one: 1+1=1